A week ago I had an experience with a coach and a "friend" that changed my soul. I have come on here a few times to write about it, but the feelings were/are too raw, too hurtful, too confusing, too... Let me try to explain.
Basketball for my boys feels like it has been an uphill battle. It is daunting to figure out what trail to really take. It seems like most trails are filled with leeches (personal coaches) who want to charge you a killing to train your kid. I seriously mean, Charge. You. A. Killing. Some are as high as $100/hour. A $100/hour to workout a kid who does not bring any money to the table through the sport that they are training them to play. Is this absurd? I feel like it is. Some of these people have never even played basketball on the professional level, or studied it in college. Anyway... I had a friend who kindly invited my boys to attend a workout with her son with one of these personal coaches. To be honest, the coach was good. He saw the game of basketball from a different perspective, one that opened my boys eyes to a different way of playing the game. The personal basketball coach had great basketball handling drills and could really isolate what each boy was doing and tweak it to make him more successful. Was it worth $100/hour? Not in my book, but I was willing to pay $30/per boy per hour. The first week with this coach went well. The second week left much to be desired. I am not sure how much to discuss, how much I want to relive.
Basically, my boys were 10 minutes late to the workout. I could elaborate about how I had to pick up my"friend's" son and he wasn't quite ready when we got there, or how I waited for another boy who she claimed was coming but he was nowhere to be found, or how she did not send any money with her son and I had to pay for his admittance which took twice as long to enter the gym. But, needless to say, we were late and that is the fact. When my son walked in he apologized to the personal coach for being tardy, the coach told him to hurry and change his shoes because he had to leave at 3:30 sharp. My sons quickly changed their shoes. When I soon entered the gym the coach came up to my face and very sternly started barking at me about how he had to leave right at 3:30 and we were 10 minutes late. I was stunned and felt awkward because the coach is shorter than me and that makes things uncomfortable. Hey ladies, ever have a shorter man try and get in your face but you have to look down to let it happen? Ya, awkward. Because I felt uncomfortable I turned around while telling him that I understood that he had to leave and I apologized for being late. I guess he took that I rolled my eyes and proceeded to brow-beat me with mean words and tone. Never have I been in a situation where a man just came at me like I was a child, yelling, snapping, and carrying on. I was humiliated and stunned. I wanted to leave but my son reminded me (quietly) that I had my "friends" kid too and it wouldn't be fair to him to leave early; so my boys and I stayed. At the end of the hour the coach attempted to apologize for his treatment of me, but said some more unkind things about me being a problem parent, being lazy, and my kids never being successful. I smiled, as best I could, paid him and got out of there. For the rest of the weekend I cried and have still been reeling by what took place. The helplessness a woman feels when a man comes at her and she is somewhat alone. The humiliation when one adult berates another adult in public. The disrespect that is felt when a white man figuratively spits on a brown woman. That is what I have been processing. We all left the workout, with the personal coach planning on working with the boys again, and me spiritually wounded. I know it sounds dramatic, but those are my feelings.
The thing that probably hurts the most from all of this is my "friend" never called me after the event. I tried to call her but she was too busy to talk. She did however call the personal coach first thing the next morning, but it was days before I heard from her. When she did call me it was to tell me his side of the story and to tell me, "I have worked so hard to get in his good graces and you almost ruined it for my son with your behavior toward the coach." My behavior? I picked up her child, paid for her child, waited for her child, took her child back home safely. I apologized to the coach for our tardiness. I took his abusive behavior and words. I paid him what he was owed. I swallowed his treatment toward me. My behavior? What about his behavior?
I can no longer see her face without my stomach flopping. I cannot speak her name without a frog in my throat. She sided with a man who she has not known for long, who charges her $100/hour; and above all, she blamed me for his treatment toward me. I have gone over that event more times that I can express. I have talked about it with loved ones. I have heard my kids recollection of what took place. And in the end I realize his treatment of me was unwarranted. Even if I had rolled my eyes, he should have never berated me like he did. I am a mother, a woman, and at the time I was alone. How could she side with him? How should I now respond to her? The crazy thing is I am now okay going around that personal coach. He doesn't know me. But presently I don't think I could go around her. How do you respond?
