What am I doing?
I have no idea what I am doing and as an added bonus I am not the best at technical writing. If my sister-in-law saw this she would probably pull her hair out in frustration for my lack of writing skills. However, this is something I have been thinking about doing for several years. Being thrust into a boys club where I don't have a membership card, and lack the qualifications to belong has been daunting. Navigating the in's and outs, the lies and truths, and the coaches from the wannabes, has been eye opening and along the way I have had to write my own map. My map is still being written and I will probably fall in many more holes and drag my kiddos in with me before this adventure is over. "What am I doing?" is an internal dialogue I have with myself daily, if not multiple times a day...
How am I doing?
I have no idea how I am doing. Sometimes I think we are on the right track and other days I just wanna fall to my knees and shake my fist at the sky. My kids have goals, at least that is what they tell me, and I want to be supportive of those goals; but are they really their goals or offshoots of the goals I have for them? I want/need for my kids to go to college and excel. When I look at my college experience compared my husband's (he was a college athlete) it seems like his was so much better. When he entered a class the teacher and other classmates wanted him there. That's what I want for my kids, to be wanted and adored by many, it can make the college experience so much easier. How am I doing? I have no freakin clue and probably won't until my children are adults and I hear all their complaints. Hopefully I won't have to hear those complaints in a therapist office, on a talk show, or from their bedroom in my basement that they share with their spouse and four kids...
Why am I doing this?
Why am I writing this blog? or Why am I subjecting myself to these coaches (and loony parents)? I can answer both questions with one answer... It's complicated. Ha! Not really. Well, maybe it is.
I think I am writing this blog because I couldn't find one and I need a sounding board. I need to discuss what I am going through. I need to read what others are going through. Does anyone else feel the way I am feeling? My hope is that we (you and me) can work through this together. Maybe you have a better way to do things and you can help me. Maybe there is an instance that I can be your poster child on what NOT to do, believe me I have plenty of those. Maybe together we can make a much better map for the next momma. Hey you next momma, you can thank me later.
Why do I subject myself to all this insanity? Simple. I have active children and I want/need them to go to college. Also, I think somewhere deep inside I am some sort of masochist. I have been humiliated and suffered physical pain while trying to be part of this world; and yet I keep on going back for more. Therefore I must gain some sort of pleasure from it, the classic definition of a masochist. Ya, you read that right. Physical pain, everything from falling because I wore the wrong foot wear to having a stroke in the middle of my son's game. I will probably share those stories along the way...
Will this make thing I am doing make any sense?
Probably not all the time. How can it? I have three kiddos of my own plus I am taking care of my niece and nephew. That is a combined total of... 3 (plus or minus one at any time) basketball teams, 1 Tae-Kwon-Do class, 1 vocal coach, 1 soccer team, 1 football team, 2 basketball classes, 2 personal trainers, 1 personal basketball coach, 2 gymnastics classes, 1 dance class, a vast number of parents, and one very tired minivan. Should I mention that I now have a budding actor who just booked his first movie? No joke. Right now my life isn't making much sense, so why would this blog?
At the end of the day all I really want is my own pair of practice pants. It seems like my kiddos get the opportunity to put on some practice pants and actually practice. Yet, I am suppose to always be wearing my game pants. There are days when I could really use some direction, some constructive criticism, someone to rush out on the field and ask if I am okay, someone to cheer me on... And other days I need someone to blow a whistle and tell everyone around me to 'StEp BaCK!'
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